My fears about band practice are numerous. I fear that we won’t pick the right song. Or that everyone will want their own solo. I am afraid that my band mates will hate my outfit suggestions or won’t recognize the complete importance of an interrobang at the end of One.twentyone Gigawatts‽ More importantly, I am tremendously paranoid with the thought that my band members will find out that I have a sweet crush on Jason Aldean and that is why I keep suggesting his songs! (A country singer that raps!?! Yes, that’s my kind of awesomeness!). Or what if they find out Johnny Cash is #101 on my list of the 100 greatest singers?
If you are in a band, you don’t have to ask a diva to rise. A diva will appear without warning and will instantly create awe, terror, or hate among the other band members. Luckily, I don’t fear a diva because I shamefully have my own. If my diva rises, it will be an overly exaggerated inverse version of my personality. Normally, I am a sweet, jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. And I like water on tap paired with pizza–any kind of pizza will do. When my diva emerges, I must pair heels with a mini skirt because I just know my legs look just like Tina Turner’s. Once I have my strut down and my snarky responses ready, I will demand bottled water and gourmet gluten-free pizza of course. I am thinking of adding a white kitten because I read that divas like white. And well, I just like kittens.
I am enthusiastically waiting to see what this first practice will be like. My band seems pretty solid and no one has threatened to go solo. But just in case, I think I will record the first session in order to identify exactly who’s diva will emerge and the horrifying reaction of myself and my band mates. Who knows it may be YouTube worthy.
My band doesn’t have any rules yet. But, I do hope they don’t read this and make this the first rule: No white kittens.